How to Talk About Money and Pay with Your Nanny (Without Awkwardness)

alking about money with your nanny doesn’t have to feel like breaking up with someone.

Done well, it actually builds trust instead of awkwardness. The key is to be clear, kind, and prepared – rather than blurting things out at the front door while someone’s putting shoes on.

Here’s how to talk about money and pay with your nanny in a way that feels fair, grown-up and as un-awkward as possible.

Why money conversations matter (even if you hate them)

Avoiding money talk can feel easier in the short term – but it usually causes problems later:

• Misunderstandings about overtime and extra hours

• Resentment if your nanny feels underpaid or taken for granted

• Stress for you if you’re not sure what you “should” be paying

• Confusion when circumstances change – new baby, extra duties, fewer hours, etc.

Talking about money calmly and regularly sends a clear message:

“I value you, I want this to be fair, and I’m willing to talk about it.”

That alone goes a long way.

Step 1: Get clear in your own head first

Before you start any conversation, work out your side:

• What’s your current budget for childcare – realistically?

• Do you know your nanny’s current gross pay, not just what they “take home”?

• Are there changes coming up?

  • New baby

  • Extra housekeeping duties

  • Fewer hours when a child starts school

• What’s your honest line between:

  • “This is stretching but doable” and

  • “This is just not sustainable”?

If you go into the conversation fuzzy, you’ll come across unsure and your nanny will feel that wobble.

Grab a notepad and jot down:

• Current pay

• What you’d like to change (pay, hours, duties)

• The minimum you can comfortably commit to

Once that’s clear, you’re ready to talk.

Step 2: Choose the right time and setting

Money chat at the front door = awkward.

Aim for:

• Neutral timing – not in the middle of a meltdown or rushed school run

• Calm environment – kids entertained, TV on, or during nap if at home

• Agreed in advance – so it doesn’t feel like a surprise interrogation

You can say, for example:

“Could we find 15–20 minutes sometime this week to chat about hours and pay, just to make sure everything still feels fair on both sides?”

This already signals:

• it’s a two-way chat,

• and you care about fairness, not just your own agenda.

Step 3: Use open, honest framing

Start the conversation by framing your intention:

• “I want to make sure we’re being fair with pay and expectations.”

• “We really value you, so I want to check everything still feels right for you too.”

• “Things have changed a bit recently, so I think it’s a good time to review pay and hours.”

This takes you out of “demand” mode and into “let’s figure this out together”.

Step 4: Scripts for common money conversations

Here are some word-for-word phrases you can adapt.

When you’re hiring a new nanny and making an offer

“We’d love to offer you the role if it feels right for you. The position is for [X hours] per week at £[rate] gross per hour, with [holiday/sick pay details], paid [weekly/monthly] through payroll.

How does that sound to you?”

If they ask for more than you can afford:

“Thank you for being honest about what you’re looking for. Our current budget is £X gross per hour, and we want to be upfront about that.

If that still feels okay for you, we’d be thrilled to have you. If not, I completely understand and we can both keep looking.”

When you’re doing a pay review / potential pay rise

“You’ve been with us for [time period] now, and we really appreciate what you do for the children. I’d like to review your pay to make sure it still feels fair.

You’re currently on £X gross per hour. We’d like to increase this to £Y gross per hour from [date], if you’re happy with that – and we can review again next year.”

If you can’t offer as much as you’d like:

“I want to be honest – we’ve looked at our numbers and the maximum we can comfortably commit to right now is £Y gross per hour.

I completely understand if you need to think about whether that works for you, and I’m very open to hearing how it feels from your side.”

When your nanny asks for a pay rise

Take a breath and thank them for asking rather than panicking.

“Thank you for raising it – I really appreciate you being open with us. I don’t want to give you a rushed answer. Could I look properly at our budget and come back to you by [specific day]?”

Then follow through. When you respond:

• Acknowledge their value

• Share what you can do (even if it’s not everything they asked)

• Be clear, not vague

When duties or hours are changing

If you’re increasing responsibilities (e.g. extra baby, more housekeeping), you should almost always talk about pay.

“Things have changed a bit with [new baby / more housekeeping / extra pick-ups], so I’d like to recognise that.

At the moment you’re doing [X duties] at £Y gross per hour. With the new responsibilities, we’d like to increase your pay to £Z gross per hour from [date], if that feels fair to you.”

If hours are going down:

“With [child starting school / change in work pattern], we now realistically need [X] hours instead of [Y]. I know this affects your income, so I wanted to talk it through properly rather than just changing your rota.

We’d like to offer [new hours] from [date], and we’re happy to discuss whether this still works for you.”

When you’re clarifying overtime and extra hours

“We’ve noticed we sometimes ask you to stay later for work events or delays, so we’d like to make sure we’re handling that fairly and clearly.

We’re thinking any extra hours beyond your contracted [X] hours per week are paid at £[overtime rate] gross per hour, rounded to the nearest [15 minutes / half hour]. How does that feel from your side?”

Once you’ve agreed, confirm it in writing.

Step 5: Talk in “gross” pay, not just take-home

One of the biggest sources of confusion is gross vs net pay:

• Gross pay = before tax and National Insurance

• Net pay = what lands in their bank account

It’s best to always talk in gross terms when you discuss:

• Hourly rates

• Pay rises

• Overtime

• Job offers

You can still tell them roughly what that means in take-home, but gross is the fairest and cleanest way to frame it – especially if tax codes or thresholds change.

A quick way to say it:

“We always talk in gross, before tax, so that it’s clear and consistent. At the moment that works out to about £[X] take-home, but the gross figure is what we agree in the contract.”

Step 6: Let payslips do some of the talking

A lot of awkwardness disappears when the numbers are visible, not hidden.

Clear payslips show:

• Basic hours

• Overtime hours

• Rate of pay

• Tax and NI

• Pension contributions (if applicable)

• Total gross and net pay

That means the conversation becomes:

“Let’s look at the payslip together,”

rather than:

“Just trust me, it’s about right.”

This is where a nanny payroll service like Hirelo is genuinely priceless: it does the calculations, makes everything transparent, and gives both you and your nanny a clear record – which takes so much emotion out of money chat.

Step 7: Follow up in writing

After any money conversation, send a simple summary email or message:

“Just to confirm what we agreed today: from [date], your pay will be £[Y] gross per hour, for [X] hours per week, with overtime at £[Z] gross per hour. We’ll update your contract/payslips to reflect this.”

This:

• Avoids confusion later

• Gives your nanny something to refer back to

• Makes you look like a very organised, grown-up employer (even if you don’t feel like one)

Step 8: Make it normal, not a once-in-a-crisis thing

Money chats feel less awkward when they’re:

• Expected – e.g. an annual or 6-monthly review

• Regular – not only triggered when something’s gone wrong

• Two-way – you ask how it feels for them, not just deliver decisions

You can say:

“We’d like to check in on hours and pay every [6 / 12] months, just to make sure it still works for both of us.”

Soon it becomes just another part of your nanny relationship – like term dates or holiday planning.

Where Hirelo fits in (and takes the edge off)

Even with the best conversations, you still need:

• Correct tax and NI calculations

• Clear payslips

• Proper handling of overtime, sick pay, and holiday

• Clean records for HMRC

Hirelo handles the technical side so your money chats can focus on what’s human:

• Is this still fair?

• Is it still working for both of us?

• What needs to change?

You bring the honesty and kindness; Hirelo brings the numbers and compliance.